Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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