I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
