I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
