Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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