GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
