There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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