i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think people are normalizing furries
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
