I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
