And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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