from now on my penis is your penis
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
