fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
