Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
