I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
