..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And then he peed in my hair
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