In the future we'll all be gay
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
