I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
