Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
