You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
