Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
