We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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