My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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