glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
