This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
