This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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