they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
