Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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