Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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