mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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