What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
