I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
