Me too!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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