and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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