Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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