I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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