i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
