i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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