I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
