Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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