You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
