i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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