True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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