i think my tv is drunk
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
