i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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