i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
