recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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