now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
