I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
