so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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