just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
