Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
