yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
