next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
