Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
